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Addictive Personality


Marshmallowmayhem

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Marshmallowmayhem

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Hello fellow DBG'ers. I've been doing lots of reading and observing. After seeing some of the posts about addiction, I think I have summoned up enough nerve to share my experience. Not everyone's experience is quite the same and I definitely appreicate those who decide to tell us their story I think we all share something in common that gets lost while battling our demons; we are all human.

I used to weigh 300lbs and battled severe depression and obesity from the age of 11 to 29.  I definitely ate my emotions; when I was happy I ate, sad, mad, etc.  I was on Prozac and Wellbutrin. I researched the gastric bypass and lap band for two years before I finally decided to pursue the gastric bypass. I had to get approved by my insurance company and at the time, approvals were very rare. The surgery was a last ditch effort to save my life. I was at work when I received the call from my insurance company. I was approved! I was beyond elated. I had to jump through six months of hoops. I had just turned 30 years old.  April 16, 2010 was my surgery date. My life would never be the same again.

I lost 150lbs in less than two years. I was reborn. I had to make up for lost time. I was treated so poorly by people when I was obese. Now doors were being opened for me figuratively and literally. People smiled at me instead of sneered. Running and working out became my addiction instead of food. I ate to live instead of living to eat. Something, however, was missing. I wanted a real relationship. I was tired of whoring about; sewing my wild oats so-to-speak. I met someone and fell in love. Moved out of my parents house for the first time ever. I was on top of the world.

A couple of years later...  Work became much more stressful than ever. I felt a lot of pressure in my relationship. I stopped working out so I could spend more time with her. Bad move, working out was my go to stress reliever. Enter whiskey. I started drinking almost every night. When my girlfriend would protest, I would sneak it and binge drink. I ended up getting wasted one evening and decided to send pics to people on Craigslist, answered a few ads. This was the detriment to an almost three year relationship. She and I ended up moving in with my parents so we could pay off debts and get a house. We had a plan of living there for a year and a half. We were still working on fixing our trust issues I created but it was failing. We broke up and she moved out. My drinking became worse. I was told by a psychiatrist I was bipolar. I was put on some crazy drugs. 

Sometime in May 2015, I drank a fifth of whiskey earlier in the morning one day and decided to get a liter. My chaser was water. My tolerance for alcohol was mind blowing. In total, I had killed a fifth, one liter, and I was working on a handle of whiskey when I thought it would be a great idea to get donuts. It was night time. My parents asked me if I had been drinking. I denied it and played it off. Next thing I know, the driver side tires on my battlestang were completely shredded. I had front end damage and my road mauler was smoking. Donuts in hand, I walked home. I went into my room and drank some more. Blacked out. Woke up in the morning, finished my handle. A police officer stopped by the house the night I wrecked my car. He said if he could place me behind the wheel, I would have been charged with DUI. My parents were heartbroken. 

My mother went in my room and replaced my alcohol with water. They wanted to talk. They sat me down and my father gave me the same ultimatum he was given when he was younger; your family or alcohol. I was on a plane the next evening headed for rehab. There's more to my story, but I just wanted to share some of it. My binge drinking was out of control. Some consumption of this and that is cool providing one can control it. I am learning. 

May 20, 2016 marks my one year of sobriety. 

You are all awesome people. Thank you for reading. 

 

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jimfriedrice

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a year+ of sobriety!  That is awesome, I am in awe and hope to achieve that someday.  Struggling with alcohol myself but won't get into it here.  The amount of booze you're describing imbibing is crazy, but I understand.  Not to mention the weight loss, that's awesome too.  I'm proud of you!  Well f#cking done!!!

-bob

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I wonder if people are born with addictive personalitys, or is it something you learn as you get older.  You get people who are addicted to playing computer games, like spending the whole time your awake playing games or a certain game. You get people addicted to gambling. And obviously taking drink and drugs is another common addiction. Also like the person who started thread said eating to much food can be an addiction.  And smoking is problem th most common. 

All the things mentioned can become addictive, but they're a wide range of addictions. Some are more harmful to your health then others, yet people still carry on even if you know its killing you, or it will cause major health problems later on in life. I think most people are born that way. If you have more the a few addictions

It weird how addiction works out. 

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There can be many levels of addiction and usually it is past down from your parents or someone that is in your bloodline.  My father was an alcoholic when one day in his mid-forties the man just quite drinking and never looked back.  My sisters and I have his gene line but in very different ways...My oldest sister was and still is addicted to pills and just recently starting drinking vodka. My middle sister was going to bars at 13, was drunk one night when she was 16 and ended up killing someone in the accident, she is turning 50 this year and she still drinks wine every night and becomes a mean SOB if she gets into the right mood.  Lastly, I am the youngest of the 3 and am completely messed up.   I have been on opiates, alps and muscle relaxers for many years due to back injuries.  Add in some cinnamon whiskey to that menu and it is almost as if I am trying hard not to see the daylight the next morning. However, because I have the most wonderful daughter that I live for...she is always on my mind.

I've researched this type of addictive behavior and while I can't be 100% sure that mine is genetic...my gene line tells me it is.  

In the meantime, I am desperately trying to stop the alcohol because I know I am unable to stop the opiates until after my next surgery.  I personally want to be back to my normal habits which were working out daily, working in general (I'm on LTD for right now) and being the best person I can be.  I hate the addictive personality...it haunts me in the dark when the sun goes down and the crave begins.  I wish there was a pill that we could take to make us forget the need to take that pill or take that first sip.  Once that happens...I'm done and my defenses crawl back into their little cave when I need them the most. COWARDS!!!!!!!

Wow, I think I just did a little vent.

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i think we all have addictions in our own ways. be it coffee choc etc drugs

wel i do anyway

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Guest Solid Snoop

A lot of people don't believe in addictive personalities but I do. I believe I got mine from my father who had issues with alcohol and Charlie. I don't have issues with them but anybody on the board who knows me will know my issues with PK's and bennies. I'm also addicted to a certain sugar free fizzy drink, if I stop it for a.few days I get migraines! I can get addicted to video games where all I can think about is progressing on it despite being out for dinner, at the cinema etc.

I bet the above sounds like a lot of bull to most of you but it's real for me. I'm actually addicted to buying meds. I keep buying despite having a massive stash. I've managed to get that under control recently as it was getting silly.

TL;DR - I believe in.addictive personalities despite what some people say.

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wow dont know how i missed  this subject , 

i am the  quintessential addict from coffee to pills to street drugs iv spent more times in rehab been there done that wore the t-shirt , still chasing down my regular needs , still doing the sweats ,chills , impulsive actions , 

this is a subject i have spent 3/4 of my life living , i dont believe addiction is a disease , its a disaster ,

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1 hour ago, Solid Snoop said:

A lot of people don't believe in addictive personalities but I do. I believe I got mine from my father who had issues with alcohol and Charlie. I don't have issues with them but anybody on the board who knows me will know my issues with PK's and bennies. I'm also addicted to a certain sugar free fizzy drink, if I stop it for a.few days I get migraines! I can get addicted to video games where all I can think about is progressing on it despite being out for dinner, at the cinema etc.

I bet the above sounds like a lot of bull to most of you but it's real for me. I'm actually addicted to buying meds. I keep buying despite having a massive stash. I've managed to get that under control recently as it was getting silly.

TL;DR - I believe in.addictive personalities despite what some people say.

active acquisition the addiction of buying  i know that too solid snoop , i come from a long line of addicts well drinkers so maybe there is something in the genes

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Guest Solid Snoop

I'm the same. I come from a long line of drinkers yet I'm tee total. I just take far too much meds which is probably worse! At the start I just took what the doctor told me too but then it wasn't enough and we all know how that story goes...

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One trait of Borderline Personality Disorder is addiction. I have been addicted to collecting things, eating, smoking, drinking, benzos, people, dieting, certain music...

It's draining, but there are many reasons to have an addictive personality: trauma and it being inherited, are others I can think of. There's probably more though!

 

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Long line of drinkers + some trauma I went through as a child/young adult. I truly believe led me down a slightly addictive personality. I don't drink I've never been one for alcohol really. But of course I'm addicted to benzos, silly to think otherwise. Anyone who competes in bodybuilding/physique has like me has an addiction to exercise, diet I'd even call it a form if body dis. I know quite a few who really do suffer from it. I smoke when I really shouldn't but there's no chance I'll stop anytime soon. I've not ever really touched painpills but I think its because if I was taking x,y,z they would effect my workouts...leading back to my other addiction. 

As I've got older I've found more balance and having the responsibility of being self employed means I can't be that guy anymore. But it will always linger and I'm constantly aware of it.

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@Solid Snoop It's uncanny how similar your story is to mine. My father is an alcoholic, sadly he was all my life and before, so I grew up with seeing his nightly, solitary wine drinking. My mum has always had hoarding problems, so the house is full of collected...er, 'junk', for the most part. So I grew up with that and now it seems I combined them (...yay me!). So I need daily use of many different things (I share the op8 issue with you, but keep bennz at a 1-2 times a week routine), there's RCs too which have, stupidly, become part of that routine that I just *can't* break...I'm even similar to you with games, when I take a certain chemical I feel like I have to play a certain video game. Although I did give up alcohol two years ago, I seem to be getting worse with other things. I also, like you, feel the need to buy meds, even if I have sufficient amounts.

I think addiction is connected to so many things, @ElectroNymph you mention bipolar disorder. I don't suffer from that, but I do have severe OCD (complete with having to check things using counting. Example: check something 1, 2, 3 times. Look away. Check once. Variations on that depending on what I'm checking. What I mentioned is moderate so that would be checking that my phone is on silent. With locking a door, it's more like: 1. Pull the handle three times. 2. Push the latch in 9 times, look away. Push once more. 3. Pull the handle once. 4. Push the latch 3 times, look away. Push once more. So, it's bad. That's a tiny element of it all. I think that is connected to addiction, one of the many things fuelling it.

There's the depression with suicidal ideation, that I've always used drugs to escape from. The social anxiety. List goes on.

Some will say that addiction has fuelled all these things, usually people who have no clue. I believe it's the other way round, that all this creates a need for addiction.

Oh, moo...I write stuff like that and realise how much my life needs improving. What's the point? =(

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The point is that you can be predisposed to being an addict! It by no means makes it acceptable. Addiction centres want you to take 100% of the blame. My old doc sent me to one despite prescribing me 4mg of loraz, 30 mg of Diaz and zops. I asked to come off them and said I needed help as I had started taking more than prescribed as they weren't working. First thing he did was refer me to a drink and heroin centre. I'm lucky that a doctor in my surgery saw my case and took it on as the way he saw it was that they were enabling me. I went to them with crippling anxiety and they gave me 6 months of heavy duty benzos. 

Any body in the UK will tell you how hard it is to get even 2mg of Diaz for over a week! 

I've been doing good. Down to 30mg of Diaz a day as of 2 days ago (no loraz) and tonight is the first I've ever felt withdrawals physically. Insomnia, hearing noises as if someone is downstairs  (they aren't, checked 20 times), some aches and ringing in my ears. I have alpzz, Diaz, zopi, zoos etc but I'm refusing to take them. I agreed to go on this path 2 months ago so I'm doing it. I do think my drops are too aggressive now though. My dox wants me doing 5mg fortnightly until 10mg a day but I'm going to ask him to slow it down. He listens and I know my own body so I'm sure it won't be an issue. 

It is right now though as it's 3am, not slept yet and have a 12 hour shift I need to be up in 3 hours for. The joy!

 

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I think not only do they want you to take all the blame, they also treat you like a criminal. That to me is awful. I was asking someone how would I go about going on some sort of maintainance for my op8te use, and he said you'll get referred to...'civil crime and justice' or something, I might be way off, but it was something like that. That's a result of prohibition right there...being treated like a criminal, one way to put me off treatment.

Your situation is a bit like a double edged sword; really promising considering how much you've dropped and how you're keeping temptation at bay, but the WDs themselves...they sound rough. Wish I could help somehow mate. =( Just keep at it.

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On 7/3/2016 at 5:30 PM, Smoka90 said:

@Solid Snoop It's uncanny how similar your story is to mine. My father is an alcoholic, sadly he was all my life and before, so I grew up with seeing his nightly, solitary wine drinking. My mum has always had hoarding problems, so the house is full of collected...er, 'junk', for the most part. So I grew up with that and now it seems I combined them (...yay me!). So I need daily use of many different things (I share the op8 issue with you, but keep bennz at a 1-2 times a week routine), there's RCs too which have, stupidly, become part of that routine that I just *can't* break...I'm even similar to you with games, when I take a certain chemical I feel like I have to play a certain video game. Although I did give up alcohol two years ago, I seem to be getting worse with other things. I also, like you, feel the need to buy meds, even if I have sufficient amounts.

I think addiction is connected to so many things, @ElectroNymph you mention bipolar disorder. I don't suffer from that, but I do have severe OCD (complete with having to check things using counting. Example: check something 1, 2, 3 times. Look away. Check once. Variations on that depending on what I'm checking. What I mentioned is moderate so that would be checking that my phone is on silent. With locking a door, it's more like: 1. Pull the handle three times. 2. Push the latch in 9 times, look away. Push once more. 3. Pull the handle once. 4. Push the latch 3 times, look away. Push once more. So, it's bad. That's a tiny element of it all. I think that is connected to addiction, one of the many things fuelling it.

There's the depression with suicidal ideation, that I've always used drugs to escape from. The social anxiety. List goes on.

Some will say that addiction has fuelled all these things, usually people who have no clue. I believe it's the other way round, that all this creates a need for addiction.

Oh, moo...I write stuff like that and realise how much my life needs improving. What's the point? =(

Paxil is a great med for ocd 

It has a lot of side effects and sometimes can make you seem numb

But it works.

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