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Very basic advice needed.


VII

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Generally I don't open these kinds of threads but I'm just curious on how most handle these particular situations which will be stated below.

It's just those moments that somebody says or does something to really tick you off and it sticks to you for awhile. No matter how much you talk about it never seems to be satisfying enough to get it off your mind.

So my question is how do you personally cope with such situations? This occurs multiple times a week from various sources, quite annoying and I know it's just a part of life so I'm open to any coping techniques that have worked for you guys. 

Thanks,

-VII

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I had one yesterday, and they occur semi occasionally with me also. I don't talk to anyone about them, I'll replay it in my mind a few times however. Then I'll do something that feels good, and forget all about it. Yesterday, I went for a meal with my beloved, and that made everything alright. 

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Depends. What kind of things tick you off on the daily? I have friend who is still pissed off about shit people have said/did all the way back from like 3rd grade. Some girl told her her shoelaces were stupid , and still, to this day she is like "can you belive that bitch?!" We are 40 years old for fucks sake! There are thousands of these situations that she replays like broken records. And new ones are being added all the time.  I cope with her problem by making sure to take plenty of drugs when I know shes coming around :)

Im guessing thats not even advise but  I guess it depends on if you are annoyed by how stupid people are how they cant do anything right but they think they know everything.and they say things so ignorant its hard to forget about the fact they said it in your presence. Or if they are doing things; like I had  boss once who would always adjust his shit when he was talking to me, Id replay it and talk about it and get even more pissed off because, he was disgusting.I get that sometimes a guys balls might itch or maybe need shifted. To the other side but not every 5 minutes! No way to deal with it but suffer :)

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@PTFC Thanks for your response, I'll try to cancel everything out with perhaps music or taking it out on a video game. 

@girlgerms Well it's not daily, it just weekly stuff. I'm more prone to becoming annoyed by small things. For the most part I can brush it off but some things stick with me for awhile, but no longer than a few days at maximum. I just don't want to bother people with my troubles, instead searching for a solution apposed from being that one person that goes to people complaining about things which is uncomfortable for the other party. My wife cares and can tell if something is bothering me and I feel really bad once I'm put on the spot to tell her what's going on. I don't want to be a burden, you know?

I appreciate your response, as I stated above I'll try to take out my frustration by killing things in video games or listening to music...or both!

This is for EVERYONE: People claim violet video games cause violent behavior, I disagree. Violet video games are best used for stress relievers, why? Instead of acting out on your feelings you're doing things you want to do in video games to prevent any disruptive behavior which I see nothing wrong with seeing nobody is in danger and there will be no disruptive behavior. Even in our adult lives, video games are a good source of relieving stress even if it's just playing Angry Birds on your phone. Take your anger out on the birds, not someone else.

I assume everyone has their own way of coping with such matters, I just haven't found mine yet I assume and I'd prefer to find it fast seeing I just need to relax more apposed from holding onto these negative feelings. Gotta find a way to turn the negative feelings into positive ones - that's the issue I'm having. I'm an optimist, but sometimes I just want to give people a piece of my mind. I never do out of respect of other peoples feelings even if they're bad people, but still you get my point.

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I see what the problem is, you are too nice. But, its not really a problem to be a all around decent person who has consideration for other people. If more people had that kind of self control this world would be a better place. 

I agree with you 100 percent on the video game violence. 

Sometimes I find it helpful to vent on internet forums.?

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That's the spirit VII, I try also to think of all the pleasant people I interacted with that day also. 1 arsehole won't ruin my day!!!!!!! 

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It's rumination & can be a symptom of anxiety & depression. I am one of those people who can ruminate about things for years, although more often I focus on what I should have done in the situation. Somewhere in my mind I think I'm doing it in order to learn something but there are some situations where I'm just not going to--the person was just an asshole. I wish I had a better answer but I just medicate the problem.

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@girlgerms That's also been the problem with my past relationships before I married my wife. I was left by countless women due to the fact "I was too nice". I never fully understood that...am I supposed to be an asshole? I mean I thought that's what women wanted, a nice guy that respects all their decisions-- not some control freak. 

I hate to say it but it felt nice venting even though nothing was direct, the advice provided so far has been superb. Beyond my expectations.

@PTFC You're like my own personal cheerleader. Your optimism brings a good feel to this forum. (WOW autocorrect tried to say "autism" instead of "optimism" good thing I double checked!). Thank you for the kind words, it means a lot to me.

@Biteme The issue with depression is most people that suffer from depression don't even realize they have depression. I was diagnosed with a generalized depression disorder along with a serious anxiety disorder. I wasn't even aware I was depressed, I knew I felt sad a lot and I thought negatively but I always turned my negative feelings into positive ones. For example, instead of getting upset over lets say a hateful thing somebody said I would do something I enjoy until it passes. 

Unfortunately, when I began adulthood a long time ago I noticed that it became more difficult-- I assume due to the responsibilities involved which generate stress and you need a way to relieve that stress. One way is venting, but I'm trying to prevent that. There's no purpose for me to vent to others just to bring their mood down, y'know? 

To everyone, I've been practicing one thing that I'm not sure is healthy or not. When I'm alone and feeling these negative feelings I recently started to talk to myself as if I was talking to somebody, somewhat along the lines of an imaginary friend but I realize I'm not talking to anyone but myself which is the difference. Is this unhealthy? I mean I can see how it can be unhealthy if I start to sound like smeegle from Lord of the Rings. I'm pretty sure that's a good enough explanation on what I've been recently doing, just talking to myself when nobody is around while doing things I enjoy. 

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I do something similar in my job, "risk triggered commentary", if you have no one else to talk to, why not rationalise it with "yourself" so to speak? I think the old talking to yourself is a bit of an old wives tale in all but the most severe psychiatric cases. 

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@PTFC Completely understandable. The only reason I picked it up is so I don't pressure others, instead I can let everything out by voice without anyone hearing it which was my goal. I was unaware this could be a cause of a serious psychiatric case of something, I'll stop immediately and continue the previous routines I've been doing. Thank you for your imput, it's much appreciated.

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1 hour ago, VII said:

@PTFC Completely understandable. The only reason I picked it up is so I don't pressure others, instead I can let everything out by voice without anyone hearing it which was my goal. I was unaware this could be a cause of a serious psychiatric case of something, I'll stop immediately and continue the previous routines I've been doing. Thank you for your imput, it's much appreciated.

No, I think what you are doing IS a good thing! What I mean is that I think it's a bit of a fallacy that speaking out loud to yourself is a sign of severe mental illness. It can be of course, but as I said, if you have nobody to discuss something with, then why not talk it through with yourself, it's really just thinking out loud!  

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I talk to myself all the time--just try ro avoid it in public unless you want to want to pretend you're using bluetooth.

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@PTFC My apologies, I must of missread what you were talking about seeing I was trying to reply to multiple people and must of gotten confused in the middle of it all. My apologies, I'll be more careful with such things in the future. That's exactly what it is, thinking out loud. Thanks for re-wording it seeing I was going to use thinking out loud but I couldn't for the life of me get it off the tip of my tongue so to speak. Thank you again for your post(s), they're always very insightful! 

@Biteme Oh no I don't do it in public unless I'm alone in my car to avoid road rage. It's very rare that I'd say anything outside of the house or think out loud to re-phrase it as PTFC has stated. I always wait till I get home to think out loud just to cool off after everything.

It seems to help but I honestly wish there were more good people in this world like you guys and gals on this forum site. It really feels like the majority of people are just rude, maybe it's just in human nature to be the alpha male for the male gender, I'm not fully sure. Regarding rude females, why bother approaching me while minding my own business with hateful things to say-- I don't fully understand what I could possibly do wrong minding my own business, this includes males aswell (I don't know these people or they're just people I met once and never talked to again). 

I don't have a bad self image and I always give off a good vibe when I talk to people, I'm always optimistic. Sometimes I play around with these rude people and it does tend to work but I don't know if that's the best approach. For example, something that happened awhile back. A female approached me, I knew her but we never talked. She always accused me of things I didn't do and would keep going on and on about how I'm taking her snacks and what not as silly as that sounds. I walked over to the trashcan in the office near her station and BAM, there's the whatever it was packaged in empty. She told me that meant nothing and it was me, such things have been going on for so long now that I've adjusted to it and sometimes say things like "Yep! It was me, you caught me, the notorious ritz cracker bandit! I'm such a bad person that I'd ruin your day over silly crackers, mwahahahahaha." Yeahhhh now that I think about it maybe that wasn't the best idea in the world but those weren't my exact words, it was just an example of what I do sometimes. I just go along with it to maintain a positive outlook on things. When hateful things are said to me, I agree with them and start laughing-- sometimes they laugh, sometimes they just walk away in confusion. An example of that would be "My god you're a nerd" I had to censor that seeing I'm trying to cut back on swearing-- I used to swear worse than a sailor! My generalized response would be "Yep, I'm an ol' nerd that lives in his mothers basement that collects My Little Pony dolls" or something along those lines, once again an example. All of the things I've said to people after so many hateful things were said to me I generally became immune to most with just basic responses like that but it's the ones that really get under your skin to ruin your entire day as if it was their density in life that bug me.

Is this really what the world is turning into now? If so, send me back to the 75's-80s'. I'd like to order one time machine to go please! :)

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SheratonGibson

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My main problem also VII, and I'm old.  Years ago I took an adult ed. course in CBT, cognitive behavior therapy for anger management.  Very good stuff if you--or anyone--isn't at the psycho stage.  My Doc many years ago called it "repetitive thought syndrome", but I think she just made that up.  You might look for a CBT course though, it's not exactly like group therapy and the interest isn't really working through deep-rooted issues, just a coping mechanism.

According to the theory, most of that repeating long dead events in the mind, or repeating responses to events in everyday you'd like to change, originates in the gut, as a feeling, which sends a signal to your mind to repeat a thought or behavior.  CBT relies on the notion that you can identify those times when you feel them coming, and consciously create a new pathway, whether a thought or action.  That's pretty sketchy, but it works for me in a lot of situations, retraining yourself consciously.  It's very much like what it takes to change a habit. 

Good luck, good thoughts

SheratonG

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Hammerblow

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My particular set of coping mechanisms are if I'm moderately annoyed,  I'm going to be at the gym anyway an hour in there and I can't even remember what it was that ticked me off. It's not really escaping the problem but just helps take the edge off. I never run away from a situation and not in a macho sense, I'm all about open channels of communication if possible. If the above two aren't available I'll enevitably find myself taking my best bud for a long walk, I'm very close to a lot of beautiful nature where I live and the simple act of throwing a ball for my doodle and seeing her happy face is pretty calming. I'm self employed so I spend a lot of time working from home by myself on various projects. Which can be counterproductive, that's when I tend to 'stew' so I'll mainly take a couple of hours off and do that.

Music for me is however the purest form of escapism though. When I was much much younger (20+ years ago) I was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma and it was terrifying I felt like I was being punished and the littlest things would trigger these volcanic reactions. So I would tune the world out with big old fashioned headphones and that weeks mixed tape my uncle would make me and focus on the sound to block the pain an anxiety of the treatment, it worked better than anything and I've used it to treat my mind since. Those really dark places. There's something wonderful about getting lost in a newly delivery vinyl joblot or your personal favs.  Anyway I was cured relatively quickly of the CNS lymphoma and have been in remission for 20 years (woop).That actually was the catalyst for my passion for fitness and living a relatively healthy lifestyle. It also goes with @PTFCs idea. Life is too short to let one arsehole ruin my day. I also agree with @PTFC talking out loud isn't a sign of mental illness it can be but I hope not, I have full blown conversations with my two cats and my pups...there's no help for me then! It's great, you get to vent and they never contradict you! 

 

Haterz gonna hate but they are the pathetic ones and when all is said and done I end up feeling sorry for them living that way. 

 

 

 

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