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Nostradamus: The Hidden Prophecy


The Shattered Soldier

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The Shattered Soldier

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Digging deep into the archives of the writings of Nostradamus

Scholars discovered a frightening prophecy

Written by the quivering hand of the prophet himself

The meaning of the quatrain was quite clear

It was obvious the Baron had lost his cryptic abilities

Experts unanimously agreed to keep this prediction from the public

As not to cause widespread panic

In an extremely vulnerable population of believers

Who were certain the end of the world was close at hand

Unfortuately, this depiction of Nostradamus discovering

The catastrophic future of mankind

Was leaked to the all-time posting champion of an unidentified forum

vxkl6b.jpg

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You're making me piss my pants in fear Soldier, dare I ask what's gonna happen to us?

Slammer

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I don't know about the rest of you, but the wookie's head is going to explode "Scanners" style after the 5000th person posts asking "Hey, are the 49 cent OC's from Pakistan legit?".

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And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Novartisville to be born?

Why, the Great White Octopus, of course! All hail to thee Octopus of my birth and indeed the birth of all life! The second coming of the Great White Octopus is at hand!

It will be rebirthed in a sea of tears and menstrual blood, this has been foretold.

I weep for it and therefore make my contribution. The hour is nigh, make your offering before The Great White Octopus while there's still time!

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OK.... Sounds like a plan. I'm fine thank you and you.

Pizza or chicken?

That is the real question, Vitalis?

Slammer

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OK.... Sounds like a plan. I'm fine thank you and you.

Pizza or chicken?

That is the real question, Vitalis?

Slammer

If you weren't such a Godless Communist you wouldn't have to ask! The answer to that question here in Bumfuck, USA is "both".

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Slammer's first taste of Korean cuisine:

I knock back live squids in one bite.

And not cut up in tiny little pieces like that wus friend of yours so 'proudly' displayed. Coward.

Are all your friends like that?

Slammer 66666+

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I knock back live squids in one bite.

And not cut up in tiny little pieces like that wus friend of yours so 'proudly' displayed. Coward.

Are all your friends like that?

Slammer 66666+

You're my only friend, Slammer.

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You're my only friend, Slammer.

Thanks for that Vitals.

Actually you're my best friend. My real bestest of best friends.

And nothing will ever get in our way.

Yours truly,

SLAMMER

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Thanks for that Vitals.

Actually you're my best friend. My real bestest of best friends.

And nothing will ever get in our way.

Yours truly,

SLAMMER

I gave you a like for that because I know you're a real "like" whore and your kind words made me tear up.

Your BFF,

Uncle Vitalis

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I gave you a like for that because I know you're a real "like" whore and your kind words made me tear up.

Your BFF,

Uncle Vitalis

No, I think you gave me the "like" because you like the fact I have pneumonia.

Please don't lie.

Slammer

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No, I think you gave me the "like" because you like the fact I have pneumonia.

Please don't lie.

Slammer

If you weren't so busy doing the boom boom with all your girls and expending so much energy, you'd never have come down with the pneumonia. I'm expanding my product line to dietary supplements soon, I'll give you a buy one get one free offer on my anti-pneumonia line of products.

I'll vacuum seal the pills in Food Saverâ„¢ bags and they'll breeze right through Korean customs.

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The Shattered Soldier

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You guys better still be on when I finally get the fuck home! I'm laughing so much I can't do my job.

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You guys better still be on when I finally get the fuck home! I'm laughing so much I can't do my job.

I'll be here. Slammer and I have been scheming behind the scenes trying to figure out a way to make you laugh, Soldier. I'll have to take credit though, all this witty banter between he and I was my idea, his ideas all sucked. Typical Communist Korean he is...

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